Supper is at six....

Sunday is my favorite day of the week.....A day of rest and devotion. Thanking God for my blessings and praying for strength to weather another hard week ahead. The kids just left and Cason is asleep..the house feels empty and too quite...however....my Gustav (Allie-Grace) has stormed through my living room and has left it; well, let's just say it would be easier to move...She owns me, this little one...
I told my girls when they grew up, regardless of their age...."Sunday supper was at six"......When they moved out; this didn't mean I broke their plate...This is the only time I can bring my family together...this is not up for debate or discussion...and if you miss, your talked about by the other family members...your criticized and made to feel guilty...who wants the drama, right?...a family that eats together, stays together..Whittney is usually the first to show. She makes an entrance that needs a standing ovation...if something out of this world is going to happen..it will happen to Whittney..and I mean off the wall scenarios..things that make you question her story. I think of Whittney as my Lucy...never a dull moment...if it wasn't for her level-headed husband reinforcing the story, I would think to question it...Always forgetting to turn off something...or to bring something..or to take something home..but I love the energy she brings to the table...she makes us laugh until we cry or someone pees on there self; which ever comes first... I see the young me in her...she is a dreamer..and I never thought I would see her so grown up..always thinking of herself last....Stephen(her hubby) is so calm and always gives her the spot-light..they balance each other..it works...Brittney(aka;Britt) usually comes in the nick of time..such a busy life..she runs into the house, and usually gets rushed by all the kids....and she is always the last to get a plate. She only eats the meats and bread..never the veggies..She is the one we all question...who is she talking to, what did she do last-nite..is she budgeting her money..bless her heart, she gets it from everyone. We still think of her as if she was 16. She'll be 21 in November.She is the one who will travel the world and nurse in third world countries....she is the secret me..
This all started about 40 years ago when my mom and dad bought 2415 Pinecrest Dr. Little did they know, my parents engraved values in me that would later be the "saving grace" of my family...and they didn't think I was paying attention...
Eating at the table as a family for supper is a value that has faded over the last 25 years. I love to see my family full and sitting at the table...the plates picked over..the kids running under our legs, chasing each other...the counter top is blanketed with dishes and as I look around, everyone is trying to get their point across. All you really hear is a room full of people talking all at once...music to my ears...there are times when someone calls you out for something you did wrong to them..that's ok..it needs to be addressed...as a mother, I usually take the underdog's side..I hate it when someone feels vulnerable...There are times when someone drops the bomb like...mom, dad, I need money...that's ok too...if you can't rely on family, who can you count on...God forbid someone date someone the family doesn't approve....it's like feeding raw meat to a pack of wolves...one feeding with the pack of wolves and the puppy usually leaves....next....when you sit at our table, be prepared to eat..there is nothing we hate more than a picky eater. Not eating is an insult...come prepared to expand your pants...and if your a soft talker or a low laughter....you'll never survive...NEVER be quick to leave. we will just talk about you when your gone..and if your the first to leave..well, your just hiding something...and we'll find out......
if it 's a 5 course meal by candle light you desire, we are not for you...at times our plates do not match and we run out of ice...(back in the day,we shared a fork).
As our family grows, the stories get longer and the jokes get funnier. The food has never tasted better (and you'll have your own fork). My heart cries when the house becomes quite and the girls leave. I hope I have instilled the values my mother taught me and the tradition continues.. If you want to absorb the love and devotion of a family who sits at a table together eating, laughing, even crying at times..we embrace you...pull up a chair....supper is at six......

I often sit alone at night, after everyone is asleep and listen to the sounds of my house. I love to spend time reading or attempting to scribble down my thoughts. My daughter is going through a hard time and I stumble for the right thing to say...so I write it... so, here it is... a few things I want her to know..My letter to Brittney....

I see you....still in my eyes; a little girl....wandering who stole my time from me...you get your eyes from your daddy and me...but your vision is all yours....your goals, your dreams...my memory of you still lingers...a little girl..so full of wonder..the most beautiful thing I will always remember of you as a child..is how your eyes would light up when you saw your daddy....a daughter's first love...I plant the seed of hope...you sit in the shade of dreams...it never seems to amaze me your laughter..so full of life..so infectious...Do you not understand the power you will have over your life...if the right paths are traveled, your life can be fruitful and you will be blessed..the decisions you make today..effect you the rest of your days.....let your life be filled with moments...not of minutes or hours....make things happen...you come from a long line of strong and powerful women who have overcome diversity and despair...every generation becoming stronger...more successful...I have handed down to you from my mother and grand-mothers inspiration and persistance and now you have to act on it....it would only be a shame if you always take the road less traveled...no greatness will be achieved by that....what your future holds only you know...you can overcome....you can and will be noticed...after all, you are your mother's daughter...

Good Bye Leola, and take the basket full of worries with you...

Perhaps the things that worry us are the things that eventually motivate us to succeed. I left a friend's house today with tearful eyes and a heavy heart. With a 25 year marriage on the fence and childhood memories that she can not work through, she still managed to hug me and smile as I drove away.

She called me and asked me to come and get a few things that her mother had left behind. Her mom passed away on Christmas eve 2006. She and her daughter moved in the home after her mom died. I thought it to be ironic that she had left the home untouched; just as her mom had left it...clutter and all. As I pulled in the driveway, I was surprised to see she was looking out the door..waiting for me...She met me at my car door and tried to smile. It took effort. Her blue eyes were red and puffy. An after effect of a long hard day of crying.

As I walked inside, I was not prepared to see what had transpired. A whole day of memories..good and bad..and her mother's legacy scattered all through the house. Every drawer was dumped out and papers and pictures were in piles, with some sort of organization. I could not make sense of things until I realized this is what I call "A coming to Jesus party." I think she was about to make headway and lay a few demons to rest....Saying Good-Bye to Leola was the first step...

As we made way into the bedroom, we rested on the foot of her bed...she was crying and I can not shake what she said to me..it still rings in my ears.. "I want to give this home LIFE."

she said as tears inched down her face. This left me speechless...which hardly ever happens. I had to filter through the right words and I felt I could not do her justice with the right thing to say...so... I hugged her and we cried together... She pointed to a pile of things (papers and pictures) that I was sure she going to share stories with me..instead...she made me bag them up and she insisted I take them to my home...I can only imagine the pain she was going through..out of sight, out of mind is the only way she somehow can move on...Losing a mother is like losing your sense of self identity.. the only one who truly knows you and loves you just the same...

Her mom (Leola) was a colorful lady with a mind of her own...a proud woman with a lot of friends..but only a few chosen close ones. She too was spirited and if you wanted brutal honesty, she gave it... I feel she was a bit guarded from people. Maybe she became watchful of others and kept her shield up because of all the pain in her life growing up, never the less, the viscous cycle of distance and solitude would eventually haunt her until her untimely death.

I met her briefly several years ago. I found he to be a bit harsh, however, I never take a person at face value..after all, we never really know what a person is struggling through... As I stared at her white and grey hair, I noticed her face was tired and full of worry. Her nails were long and her skin was golden brown with a few distinctive age spots. A trait which reminded me of my own mother. The lines above her lips led me to believe she was a avid smoker. She was obviously short of breath and as she stood in the nursing station where I worked. I offered her a seat. She reluctantly refused but I knew she really wanted to sit. I was a bit scared of her. What a strong woman..misunderstood by most...the stories she could tell me if I would have given her the time of day...She impacted me that day...her strength I mean...without saying a word, her action's screamed of strength..."Take the road less traveled" is something she probably would have told me....

But with strength comes weakness...and I feel she was carrying what my mother calls "A basket full of worries." I believe she carried the basket where ever she traveled..and I assume she invited more than her share of worries into her life...and what concerns me is not the fact that she carried the basket..but somehow through all the pain and fear...my precious friend inherited it...

Everyone needs a friend like mine.... Always willing to give of herself. She is no stranger to hard work. She is surprisingly mathematically strong..an attribute most women can not do..Un-like her mom, she is organized, and neat..She has beautiful penmanship.. I envy that.... She is the first to acknowledge her faults(we all have them) and the first to say she's sorry when she does something wrong...she knows her limits, but the spirit in her often stretches them...and i love that about her..she is forever changing for the better...and she is full of energy. Her laughter fills your heart and whenever I can...I do give her the time of day...Oh, and her best attribute...being a mother.

You can never out grow your mother's love. The legacy of a mother lives and breathes through a daughter's heart....We can run but we can not hide from a mother's legacy......As daughters, we try to uphold our mother's memory..but at times , it becomes to heavy..When we become strong and stop making excuses for the past...only then can we truly walk in God's light..accepting the truth about ourselves and setting worries from our basket free...some baskets are never meant to be carried...they belong to a history of heartache....when our voice becomes silent, this is when we truly listen to our hearts...sometimes it 's better not to know the causes of our mother's worries....there is so much more to life.....and allowing anyone to control or direct it is a pierce in your heart....

It's a miracle how a mother can influence and mold you...how their influence can drive you to achieve great things, and how one person can touch you so deeply and become the driving force to success. A daughter can only succeed in life if the driving force is a positive one. If worry and regret build a barricade of despair..leap through it and pursue what can be a life of happiness and contentment...Let God be the driving force in your life to achieve your personal success with "your basket of worries"...and watch the basket become lighter.... Let faith lead you through unknown terrain...even if you are uncertain..believe in yourself and pull from your mother's legacy the trait's (strength and persistence) that will allow you to close chapters in your life..you are the narrator of your own life story..only you can know how the story will end...what path you will take...what goals you will achieve..and most of all..what demons you are willing to lay to rest..allow God to take the things you can not change..and courage to change the things that you can...Trust that God will make all things right...and you to my precious friend will carry a "basket of worries" that feels much lighter than our mother's before us and her mother's before her......

When a mother dies...so does the things people have done for her....however, the things a mother teaches a daughter lives on...everyday..in the form of a smile to a stranger or a simple hello..acts of kindness is nothing more than a mother's guidance followed thru....maybe the spirit of a mother lives in their daughters and they never truly die...maybe a mothers love is what keeps this earth in balance, and maybe a daughter lives in her mother's spirit..living life as if mom is always watching..making an example for our daughters....Letting them become influenced and shaping their characters for their children..this is a reflection of how a mother's legacy continues...don't allow regrets and worries in your life be the end to a mother's legacy..be quick to love...hurry to be kind..always think of others before yourself...freely give hugs and kisses....may I love you flow freely from your lips..when never know when life may be cut short..and as mothers or daughters..we never want to hear the phrase"If I only knew".....tomorrow does not always come....and carrying a basket of worries; well, just gets to heavy..and if the last time would be the last time you would see me....would you not take time to put the basket down and hug me?...walk through life with open arms..carrying nothing but the love of your family and friends in your heart...allow them to help carry the basket........

I'll be right here......

The day Cason started kindergarten was the first day I realized...there is no time in a bottle. As we were driving to Athens bible School, he didn't say a word, and he wasn't the only one. Scott(my Hubby) was sitting quietly in the passenger seat. He was not feeling well. He said it was his stomach, but I knew he had separation anxiety. Our youngest daughter Brittney (20years) rode in the back seat with Cason...it was as if she was experiencing her first day too. I seemed to be the strong one, after all, I am the mother....perhaps I was in shock and I didn't know it.
As I drove, I looked in the rear view mirror and I could see my little boy. He looked a bit older to me. I started to recall his journey that lead us to this day. I can not tell you how many times Scott and I prayed for this day to come, and now it was here. Cason broke his silence and with a pure heart said, "Momma, will they make fun of the way I walk?" I could not believe my ears. How did he know he was different? Scott started crying and as I looked in the rear view mirror, so was Brittney. Cason was looking out of the window and I also started to cry.....I didn't know how to answer this one.
As we pulled into the parking lot, my feet became very heavy. I wanted to drive him home where he was safe. Where no one would ever point out that he was different. We walked into the building, Scott had one hand, and me with the other. As we came to the classroom door, he broke free from our hands and without us, he walked inside. Just like that.....he walked away. Away from us and into the beginning of the rest of his life. We were all looking forward, our eyes on him, and his into Independence...never looking back.....Scott took my hand and gave me a reassuring squeeze. I was a disaster..after all, I am the mother...As we gained our composure, we helped him hang his book bag and find his seat. I leaned down to him and said..."I'll be right here, just out-side the door... if you need me." I couldn't let go of my precious boy, but I had to. How could I explain to him that I needed him more than he needed me. A few minutes later, the teacher had all the children line up for chapel. And just as we could get another glimpse, he walked away.
As we drove home, I could not shake the thought of him breaking away from us. I started to think of all the times I had to let him go...the surgeries and the observations... I heard a voice in my heart telling me... "I'll be right here"..if you need me....It was the grace of God assuring me.."Trust in me..after all he is my child too"...I started to dry my tears.... Cason is a gift from God..his heart beats to God's perfect timing.. and who am I to question that....Let go and let God work in your life...Don't try to manage things without walking in his light..Give your life to him and watch things begin to change......God will wake you up.....any way he can...even if he has to work through your most precious treasures..your children....