I'll be right here......

The day Cason started kindergarten was the first day I realized...there is no time in a bottle. As we were driving to Athens bible School, he didn't say a word, and he wasn't the only one. Scott(my Hubby) was sitting quietly in the passenger seat. He was not feeling well. He said it was his stomach, but I knew he had separation anxiety. Our youngest daughter Brittney (20years) rode in the back seat with Cason...it was as if she was experiencing her first day too. I seemed to be the strong one, after all, I am the mother....perhaps I was in shock and I didn't know it.
As I drove, I looked in the rear view mirror and I could see my little boy. He looked a bit older to me. I started to recall his journey that lead us to this day. I can not tell you how many times Scott and I prayed for this day to come, and now it was here. Cason broke his silence and with a pure heart said, "Momma, will they make fun of the way I walk?" I could not believe my ears. How did he know he was different? Scott started crying and as I looked in the rear view mirror, so was Brittney. Cason was looking out of the window and I also started to cry.....I didn't know how to answer this one.
As we pulled into the parking lot, my feet became very heavy. I wanted to drive him home where he was safe. Where no one would ever point out that he was different. We walked into the building, Scott had one hand, and me with the other. As we came to the classroom door, he broke free from our hands and without us, he walked inside. Just like that.....he walked away. Away from us and into the beginning of the rest of his life. We were all looking forward, our eyes on him, and his into Independence...never looking back.....Scott took my hand and gave me a reassuring squeeze. I was a disaster..after all, I am the mother...As we gained our composure, we helped him hang his book bag and find his seat. I leaned down to him and said..."I'll be right here, just out-side the door... if you need me." I couldn't let go of my precious boy, but I had to. How could I explain to him that I needed him more than he needed me. A few minutes later, the teacher had all the children line up for chapel. And just as we could get another glimpse, he walked away.
As we drove home, I could not shake the thought of him breaking away from us. I started to think of all the times I had to let him go...the surgeries and the observations... I heard a voice in my heart telling me... "I'll be right here"..if you need me....It was the grace of God assuring me.."Trust in me..after all he is my child too"...I started to dry my tears.... Cason is a gift from God..his heart beats to God's perfect timing.. and who am I to question that....Let go and let God work in your life...Don't try to manage things without walking in his light..Give your life to him and watch things begin to change......God will wake you up.....any way he can...even if he has to work through your most precious treasures..your children....