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Perhaps the things that worry us are the things that eventually motivate us to succeed. I left a friend's house today with tearful eyes and a heavy heart. With a 25 year marriage on the fence and childhood memories that she can not work through, she still managed to hug me and smile as I drove away.
She called me and asked me to come and get a few things that her mother had left behind. Her mom passed away on Christmas eve 2006. She and her daughter moved in the home after her mom died. I thought it to be ironic that she had left the home untouched; just as her mom had left it...clutter and all. As I pulled in the driveway, I was surprised to see she was looking out the door..waiting for me...She met me at my car door and tried to smile. It took effort. Her blue eyes were red and puffy. An after effect of a long hard day of crying.
As I walked inside, I was not prepared to see what had transpired. A whole day of memories..good and bad..and her mother's legacy scattered all through the house. Every drawer was dumped out and papers and pictures were in piles, with some sort of organization. I could not make sense of things until I realized this is what I call "A coming to Jesus party." I think she was about to make headway and lay a few demons to rest....Saying Good-Bye to Leola was the first step...
As we made way into the bedroom, we rested on the foot of her bed...she was crying and I can not shake what she said to me..it still rings in my ears.. "I want to give this home LIFE."
she said as tears inched down her face. This left me speechless...which hardly ever happens. I had to filter through the right words and I felt I could not do her justice with the right thing to say...so... I hugged her and we cried together... She pointed to a pile of things (papers and pictures) that I was sure she going to share stories with me..instead...she made me bag them up and she insisted I take them to my home...I can only imagine the pain she was going through..out of sight, out of mind is the only way she somehow can move on...Losing a mother is like losing your sense of self identity.. the only one who truly knows you and loves you just the same...
Her mom (Leola) was a colorful lady with a mind of her own...a proud woman with a lot of friends..but only a few chosen close ones. She too was spirited and if you wanted brutal honesty, she gave it... I feel she was a bit guarded from people. Maybe she became watchful of others and kept her shield up because of all the pain in her life growing up, never the less, the viscous cycle of distance and solitude would eventually haunt her until her untimely death.
I met her briefly several years ago. I found he to be a bit harsh, however, I never take a person at face value..after all, we never really know what a person is struggling through... As I stared at her white and grey hair, I noticed her face was tired and full of worry. Her nails were long and her skin was golden brown with a few distinctive age spots. A trait which reminded me of my own mother. The lines above her lips led me to believe she was a avid smoker. She was obviously short of breath and as she stood in the nursing station where I worked. I offered her a seat. She reluctantly refused but I knew she really wanted to sit. I was a bit scared of her. What a strong woman..misunderstood by most...the stories she could tell me if I would have given her the time of day...She impacted me that day...her strength I mean...without saying a word, her action's screamed of strength..."Take the road less traveled" is something she probably would have told me....
But with strength comes weakness...and I feel she was carrying what my mother calls "A basket full of worries." I believe she carried the basket where ever she traveled..and I assume she invited more than her share of worries into her life...and what concerns me is not the fact that she carried the basket..but somehow through all the pain and fear...my precious friend inherited it...
Everyone needs a friend like mine.... Always willing to give of herself. She is no stranger to hard work. She is surprisingly mathematically strong..an attribute most women can not do..Un-like her mom, she is organized, and neat..She has beautiful penmanship.. I envy that.... She is the first to acknowledge her faults(we all have them) and the first to say she's sorry when she does something wrong...she knows her limits, but the spirit in her often stretches them...and i love that about her..she is forever changing for the better...and she is full of energy. Her laughter fills your heart and whenever I can...I do give her the time of day...Oh, and her best attribute...being a mother.
You can never out grow your mother's love. The legacy of a mother lives and breathes through a daughter's heart....We can run but we can not hide from a mother's legacy......As daughters, we try to uphold our mother's memory..but at times , it becomes to heavy..When we become strong and stop making excuses for the past...only then can we truly walk in God's light..accepting the truth about ourselves and setting worries from our basket free...some baskets are never meant to be carried...they belong to a history of heartache....when our voice becomes silent, this is when we truly listen to our hearts...sometimes it 's better not to know the causes of our mother's worries....there is so much more to life.....and allowing anyone to control or direct it is a pierce in your heart....
It's a miracle how a mother can influence and mold you...how their influence can drive you to achieve great things, and how one person can touch you so deeply and become the driving force to success. A daughter can only succeed in life if the driving force is a positive one. If worry and regret build a barricade of despair..leap through it and pursue what can be a life of happiness and contentment...Let God be the driving force in your life to achieve your personal success with "your basket of worries"...and watch the basket become lighter.... Let faith lead you through unknown terrain...even if you are uncertain..believe in yourself and pull from your mother's legacy the trait's (strength and persistence) that will allow you to close chapters in your life..you are the narrator of your own life story..only you can know how the story will end...what path you will take...what goals you will achieve..and most of all..what demons you are willing to lay to rest..allow God to take the things you can not change..and courage to change the things that you can...Trust that God will make all things right...and you to my precious friend will carry a "basket of worries" that feels much lighter than our mother's before us and her mother's before her......
When a mother dies...so does the things people have done for her....however, the things a mother teaches a daughter lives on...everyday..in the form of a smile to a stranger or a simple hello..acts of kindness is nothing more than a mother's guidance followed thru....maybe the spirit of a mother lives in their daughters and they never truly die...maybe a mothers love is what keeps this earth in balance, and maybe a daughter lives in her mother's spirit..living life as if mom is always watching..making an example for our daughters....Letting them become influenced and shaping their characters for their children..this is a reflection of how a mother's legacy continues...don't allow regrets and worries in your life be the end to a mother's legacy..be quick to love...hurry to be kind..always think of others before yourself...freely give hugs and kisses....may I love you flow freely from your lips..when never know when life may be cut short..and as mothers or daughters..we never want to hear the phrase"If I only knew".....tomorrow does not always come....and carrying a basket of worries; well, just gets to heavy..and if the last time would be the last time you would see me....would you not take time to put the basket down and hug me?...walk through life with open arms..carrying nothing but the love of your family and friends in your heart...allow them to help carry the basket........
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